Date:         Thu, 31 Aug 1995 17:24:07 EDT
From: gilbertsmith <gsmith@social.chass.ncsu.edu>
Subject:      My Most Embarrassing Moment
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <words-l@uga.cc.uga.edu>

So this is what happened.  The origin of this <event> lies in my trip
several weeks ago to Hechts, which was moving its store to a bigger
building and selling off all its merchandise.  The last day of the
sale, and stuff was piled on the floor.  I looked for hours and only
found a $100 khaki poplin sport jacket for $12.50 and a shirt for
$4.00.  The shirt is the problem and the cause of my agony.

This shirt is an intense print... not really loud, but very intense
and eye-jumping.  I don't know why I bought it.  I usually wear plain
dress shirts of whatever color, or maybe a stripe, but never a print.

So, yesterday, all I had scheduled was an executive committee meeting
of the Faculty Senate... Just buddies, no public appearance.  So I
put on the shirt, brand spanking new, pure-dee crispy newness.  I
look in the mirror and say to myself aloud:  "Now, Gilbert, this is a
nice little shirt, but you look like you have just put on something
that you would never wear."  Then I thought What the Hell this is
kind of fun, sort of like slumming.  And I went off to school,
hearing the m/m say behind me out the door: "Why are you wearing that
shirt?"

I get to the office, my secretary says Nice Shirt Wow, then I go to
the committee meeting.  Everyone is dressed to the top and they say
come on you're late sit here for your picture.  So I have to sit in
three different arrangements of people while the campus photographer
snaps our photo over and over and over for publication in the campus
newspaper, the Official Bulletin, and I dont know where all.  I was
completely mortified.  Ohmygod!  This is how I look.

I just never.
--ggs
There is a footnote to this story, which is mostly true.

Date:         Thu, 31 Aug 1995 17:32:01 EDT
From: gilbertsmith <gsmith@social.chass.ncsu.edu>
Subject:      My Most Embarrassing Moment II
To: Multiple recipients of list WORDS-L <words-l@uga.cc.uga.edu>

So on Saturday night, the fifth of the eight parties we attended over
the weekend was an anniversary dinner for a couple we have <known>
for some time.

Early in the evening, one of the women starts laughing raucously and
knocks over her water glass.  The water completely misses the man
sitting between me and the woman, and the water splashes all over my
$100 khakhi (khaki?) poplin jacket.  O.K.  It's only water, dont
worry about it.  Laugh laugh.

Later in the evening, I am seated next to the female guest of honor,
who is flirting with me outrageously while her husband of 25 years
exactly looks on and screws up his face in disapproval.  She starts
telling some story and knocks over her glass of red wine, which
floods the table and splashes all over my $100 khaki poplin jacket
and my brand new tie with the daisies all over it, which the
immaculately groomed young blond waiter had judged to be a <nice nice> 
tie when I came in. I laugh hah hah hah and say dont worry
about it.  The husband of 25 years says:  "Oh Gib what a shame.  You
have a big red stain on your nice little jacket."  I smile and say
Happy Anniversary.

When I get home, I get out the club soda and splash it all over my
jacket and my tie.  The daisies turn white again, but the faint hue
of crimson lingers in my poor little poplin jacket.

Is this the price of popularity?  People throw water and wine at you?
--ggs